Kai pakuojiesi lagaminą keliaudamas gyventi į užsienį, dažnai šalia atsarginių batų, piniginės ar telefono vežiesi ir baimę, neužtikrintumą dėl ateities, kartais seniai bespaudžiančias skolas ir (ar) kokį nors Lietuvą priminsiantį niekutį. Va tik vienatvė į lagaminą įsliūkina pati. Nei tu ją kvieti nei tu apie ją galvoji. Tuo metu būna rimtesnių reikalų.
Apie 20 tūkst. emigrantų ir jau grįžusių į Lietuvą piliečių bendruomenę vienijanti viešoji įstaiga (VŠĮ) „Eksemigrantai“ vasarį inicijavo apklausą, kuria prieš artėjantį „Brexit‘ą“ siekė pamatuoti vyraujančias nuotaikas. Iš apklausoje dalyvavusių 1560 asmenų net 32 proc. teigė, kad pagrindinis apsisprendimo grįžti faktorius yra tėvynės ilgesys. Dar 30 proc. tai lemia galimybė būti šalia artimųjų, o kas penktas (20 proc.) svarbiausia priežastimi įvardino vaikus. Taip pat Tyrimais nustatyta, kad vienatvė gali sutrumpinti jūsų gyvenimą. JAV mokslininkai atskleidė, kad vienišų žmonių, kuriems per 55, mirė beveik dvigubai daugiau ne tų, kurie turėjo nuolatinį ryšį su draugais ir šeima. Izoliacija padidina jūsų ankstyvos mirties šansus 14 proc., – mano JAV tyrėjai. Tai labiau sargdina nei nutukimas. Ir straipsnių apie tai tikrai netrūksta. Va tik informacijos, kaip gi konkrečiai kurti naujus socialinius ryšius naujoje erdvėje – mažokai.
Man 32 metai. Mažame Škotijos miestelyje atsiduriau, nes mano šeima čia. Pati, savanoriškai gyvenimui jo ko gero nesirinkščiau. Turbūt dauguma jūsų yra turėję tokius pereinamuosius laikotarpius, kai dar neturi darbo, esi motinystės atostogose arba baigėsi sezonas, o gal lauki studijų pradžios ir todėl, dienoms esant pakankamai laisvoms, pajunti jog nauji žmonės – būtinybė, nes nuo ,,kabėjimo” internete jau ,,akys varva”. Taigi, išsikėliau sau tikslą – naujus žmones naujoje šalyje. Vardan savo pačios gerovės, taip sakant… Juk moterims būtina išsikalbėti, ir mielosios, tikrai darote klaidą, jei tikitės, jog Jūsų Brangiausiasis atstos jums drauges. Jis neprivalo. Vyro funkcija moters gyvenime yra būti jos apsauga ir ramsčiu, jei to prireiktų. Bet jis nesutvertas klausytis mūsų smulkmeniškų pliurpalų ( apie tai kitame straipsnyje). Bet turiu pastebėti, jog lietuviai vyrai su vienatve tvarkosi dar prasčiau nei moterys… Ne visi netgi sugeba identifikuoti, jog tiek laiko ,,kabėdami“ prie kompiuterio, vartodami alkoholį ar nuolat lošdami bei rinkdamiesi vienos nakties nuotykius jie bėga būtent nuo to jausmo saulės raizginyje, kuris ypač užklumpa prieš miegą, užgesinus šviesas arba šventiniais laikotarpiais. O kaip ieškoma vienatvės pakaitalų, priklauso nuo kartos. Ir kalbos. Nes logiška, jog jeigu moki tik vieną kalbą, svečioje šalyje tavo galimybės rasti draugų tik mažėja. Tad aš neapsiribojau, ir nusprendžiau praskanuoti visus įmanomus būdus anglų, rusų, lietuvių kalbomis.
Dauguma psichologų, rašydami straipsnius šia tema siūlo neužsidaryti namuose. Tik kokie tada variantai? Klubai ir barai tinka specifinei auditorijai, kurioje retokai užsimezga ilgalaikės draugystės. O jei tavo tikslas ne partneris, o naujų draugų ratas, tuomet naktinis gyvenimas apskritai netinkama erdvė. Taigi, juos atmečiau. Na nebe dvidešimt man…
Bendruomenių paieška
Per pirmą mėnesį nuolat ieškojau informacijos apie erdves, kur galima susipažinti. Kiekviename miestelyje paieškoję rasit didesnius ar mažesnius sporto ir laisvalaikio centrus, bendruomenės namus, biblioteką, kultūrinę erdvę, įstaigas, skirtas jaunimo, mamyčių ir sinijorų socialinei integracijai. Visi didesni Škotijos miestai turi lietuvių bendruomenes. Deja, mano miestelyje, net su vietinės miesto savivaldos palaikymu, oficialiai registruota bendruomenė savo statuso neišsilaikė. Anekdotinė situacija – prieš šešerius metus surengus Vasario 16-osios pasibuvimą, atėjo du lietuviai ir keturiolika latvių. Žodžiu, mūsų liaudžiai nebuvo poreikio bičiuliautis blaiviam kontekste. Taigi, apžvelgus visus įmanomus variantus, pradėjau lankytis sporto klube bei Zumba treniruotėse. Tai puikus užsiėmimas norint nuraminti protą, bet netinkama erdvė greitoms naujoms pažintims. Tu turi tapti pastoviu ilgalaikiu klientu. Šįsyk iš draugų patirties tvirtinu, jog gali prireikti 3 ir daugiau mėnesių. Intensyviai ieškojau meditacijos grupės, tačiau kadangi artimiausi susitikimai vyksta už 40 km, tai nepasiteisino. Prieš pora metų buvau pradėjusi mokytis šaudymo lanku. Radau šaudyklą, bet taip pat už 20 km. Ir veikia tik dukart per savaitę. Po pora valandų. Ir nelabai noriai mane priimtų, nes aš nepakliūnu į kategorijas ,,vaikai’’, nei į ,,profesionalai”. Vietiniam bendruomenės centre organizuojamos valandos, skirtos pasibendrauti. Puikus noras. Tik va vyksta viskas 10-12 val rytais kartą per savaitę ir orientuota į senjorų auditoriją… Taip ir parašyta. Dar nebandžiau, bet nespjaunu į šulinį… Norėjau užsiregistruoti ir į seminarus skirtus internetiniam verslui kurti, bet vietos nebebuvo. Lauksiu kitų kartų. Mielai būčiau atnaujinusi anglų kalbos pamokų lankymą skirtą emigrantams, bet pamokos skirtos tik dirbantiems (tačiau mano mamai prieš keletą metų tos pamokos, o vėliau ir neformalūs susitikimai su įvairių tautybių ir skirtingo amžiaus ,,klasiokais” gerokai palengvino jos adaptaciją).
Taigi galimybių šokių tokių yra, tačiau ,,BET” kur kas daugiau. Na tik jau nesakykit, kad nesistengiau…
APP’s ir pažinčių svetainės
Tinder – populiariausias UK pažinčių apps’as. Nesutinku, jog tinkamas tik vienos nakties nuotykiams. Jeigu jums taip atrodo, įdėmiai pasižiūrėkite į savo profilio nuotraukas. Galbūt atrodote taip, jog ieškote būtent tokio pobūdžio bendravimo? Esu bandžiusi jį Latvijoje,Maroke, Lietuvoje ir Škotijoje. Visur tam tikra specifika. Škotijoje vyrai mėgsta pagražinti informaciją apie savo realų vedybinį statusą ir ūgį. Dėl savęs gražaus pateikimo per daug nesuka galvos. Gal ir gerai. Lietuvį atpažinsi iš to, jog bus nusifotografavęs prie automobilio vairo arba su alaus buteliu rankose. Psichologai patvirtintų, jog taip ieškoma materialisčių (barakudų, kurios gali įvertinti ,,rimtą” automobilį) ir vienos nakties nuotykių. Na, o jeigu Jūsų profilyje didžiausias dėmesys į ,sixpack’ą”, papūstas lūpas arba dekolte, tai apie kokį ilgalaikiškesnį ryšį čia galima kalbėti? . Tegaliu iš asmeninės patirties patvirtinti, jog meilę rasti čia galima. Turiu bičiulių kurie būtent Tinder pagalba rado antras puses ir visam gyvenimui (na, bent jau kol kas…). Žodžiu, ko ieškot, tą ir rasit.
Bumble – užima antrą vietą pagal populiarumą. Tik trys savaitės kaip šniukštinėju. Programėlės pliusai tie, jog yra trys kategorijos: ieškantiems poros, ieškantiems draugų ir ieškantiems specialistų darbiniais klausimais. Asmeniškai man, valdymas smagesnis nei Tinder. Apčiuopiamos naudos kol kas nedavė, tačiau teikia vilties. Akivaizdu, jog tokių kaip aš, dėl įvairiai susiklosčiusių aplinkybių, yra daugybė. Skaičiau atsiliepimus, jog trečioji kategorija taip pat įkvepia. Juk gali susitikti ne tik darbiniais tikslais, bet ir tiesiog pabendrauti su įdomių profesijų žmonėmis.
Meetup – rekomendavo draugas, gyvenęs Anglijoje. Puiki programėlė padedanti rasti bendruomenes pagal pomėgius. Mano regione ji mažai naudojama, tačiau didesniuose Škotijos miestuose jos pagalba galit rasti įdomių bendraminčių ir veiklų. Arba organizuokit susitikimus patys. O ką?
Coffee meets Bagel – nors atsiliepimai neblogi, tačiau turbūt ji populiaresnė savo gimtojoje Amerikoje. Valdymo sistema kūrybingesnė nei įprasta, tačiau tam tikra funkcijų dalis mokama, ir vartotojų kiekis Škotijoje kol kas kuklus.
Badoo – pati dar nebandžiau, tačiau turiu pora konkrečių pavyzdžių, kuriems pavyko šios programėlės pagalba rasti antra pusę.
Ir dar keletas populiaresnių, tačiau nespėtų išbandyti: ,, Meet my dog”; ,,Skout”; ,,NextDoor”; ,,Patook”; ,,Friender”.
Lietuviški pažinčių portalai. Labai lėtas procesas. Su įvairaus ilgio pertraukom kai turėjau antrą pusę, poroje iš svetainių esu užsiregistravusi jau daugiau nei šešerius metus. Karts nuo karto rašydavo ir Anglijoje gyvenantys lietuviai. Tik va kokia tokio bendravimo eiga?
Atrodo, jog pažinčių portalų laikas jau eina į pabaigą… Arba dar galbūt tinkamas auditorijai virš keturiasdešimties.
Angliški pažinčių portalai. Didesnė jų dalis – mokami. Kaip pastebėjo viena pažįstama, puikus būdamas vyresnėms škotėms susirasti jaunesnius vaikinus, arba jaunesnėms emigrantėms – pagyvenusius britus ar škotus. Negaliu teigti, jog neveikia ieškant antros pusės… Tik toks įspūdis, jog jie ne žmogaus ir ryšio ieško, o barterinių mainų… Kad jų vaikus padėtum prižiūrėti, kad būtų su kuo laisvalaikį praleisti, kad maistą ruoštum arba kad senatvėje karšintum (pavyzdžiui už namą, kuris liktų po jo mirties). Nuo amžiaus kategorijos priklauso. Kita vertus, aš turbūt per daug priekabi.o kurie santykiai tarp žmonių, nėra mainai?
Be abejo, dar galima įsigyti šunį arba pirmam pasveikinti kokia nors proga vienišą šalią jūsų gyvenančią kaimynę. Abu dalykai išbandyti. Abu veikia. Galų gale, patys škotai teigia, jog vienatvės problema jų krašte pasiekė epideminį mastą. Kol kas tik tarp senyvo amžiau žmonių. Bet mes juk žinome, kad kartai, kuri tikisi užpildyti savo vienatvės trūkumą vienu ,,swipe” mygtuku, jau 32 metai +… Tai kas laukia dar jaunesnių?
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This phrase was said by the first cosmonaut on Earth – Yuri Gagarin. (Yuri Gagarin)
He was the first astronaut on Earth. He was Russian! …
Now Russia is becoming a strong country, gas pipelines, a vaccine against COVID-19, an army.
Is this very reminiscent of the communist Soviet Union?
How do you think?
Now we have total control in our country. I am interested in the opinion of foreigners.
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